The Meandering Year

Each year I set a theme for the year.  However in 2014 I did not. Nothing seemed powerfully compelling to hold as a focus.   As a result, I meandered a lot this year.  I had more clarity of what I didn’t want to do instead of the normal crystal clarity of my direction and the desired impact I wanted to create.  My speed was slower, my mind hazy, my emotions more volatile.  There were days I was off my game.  My attention to details was not good.  I messed up scheduling.  Along the way I started getting really hard on myself – judging, criticizing, shaming.  It felt like there was something unfolding that I didn’t quite understand.

In retrospect I realized I was kind of lonely.  I was in deep processing.  As is always true with me when something isn’t clear I don’t talk about it.  Yet, there was a lot powerfully percolating and unfolding inside me.  I knew that I was wanting to shed certain roles and types of work yet I wasn’t clear on all the new I wanted to create.  My identity was shifting as was my energy.

My awesome kids are both away at school and living into their independence and following their passions.  I am proud of that.  And, I was a bit lost without them. I was feeling the void of not having as active role with them.  

The other part of the year that was new and different was we got a puppy.  Our Piper arrived Dec. 31st, 2013.  The minute she showed up my attention shifted.  A puppy is all about being in the moment.  I was responsive to her needs, shifted how I worked to be home more, spent more time playing with her and lots more time out walking.  It was a bitterly cold winter and yet I enjoyed being outside with her as she delighted in playing and romping in the snow.  I giggled more and found such delight in her companionship.  She caused positive disturbance in my life and served as an ally for shift to happen.

So, maybe in fact the theme for the year was The Year of the Puppy.  A year of learning and growing.  A year of slowing down and being more present.  A year of exploring and discovering in the most simple of ways.  A year of noticing that change was unfolding.  A year of noticing what was resonating and what was seeming less important.  A year of cultivating patience – for both Piper and myself. 

My new role as puppy Momma was a positive catalyst for me.  With Piper I discovered our neighbourhood and interacted with neighbours in a whole new way.  I literally have meandered along its many roads, exploring and discovering with her.  We've spent time in the valley wandering - me looking, her sniffing.  So as we transition into a new year, I am at peace with the power of perspective my Year of Meandering has indeed given me.  It's a sweet reminder the change requires patience with self as much as with others.  I enter 2015 with a new sense of purpose having wondered and wandered throughout 2014.