Six Days Silent

This July, I did a 6-day silent retreat at Loretto Maryholme Spiritual Centre on the shores of Lake Simcoe in Ontario. Since 2005, I have taken an annual sabbatical to rest, reflect, learn, and dream into the future. This was the first time I’ve done a retreat like this.

I entered with the intention of letting go of expectations, limiting beliefs, and what others need/want of me.

This was to be an exploration of all that is yet to come. As I stepped into the welcoming arms of silence, I opened fields of intuition, insight and wisdom. It guided me in contemplation of what is emerging in and through me at this stage of life. The glorious nature around me was a mirror to my inner landscape and presented portals of possibility to explore.

“This liminal space of silence is a gentle and persistent disruptor. Be here it calls. Stay here. Be gentle. Be kind. Rest. Be patient. Release”. From my retreat journal day 3 of silence.

Invitation to Being With

This was a full embodied experience of BEING. It was not curated for us. Everyday I followed my heart’s desire for what I would do. Other than providing a room and meals, the retreat centre left us to decide our personal journey.  Nine of us gathered for the 6 days. I have no sense of who they are nor their stories. That was not the point of our shared journey.

There was no talking and no tech. That’s about all the guidance we were given.

The retreat hosts told us that while we were choosing to be in silence that the rest of the cottage country world around us was not. We would need to co-exist with the human and mechanical sound scape all around us. They noted this might be something we had to rumble with. That was true for me and a good process to experience. After a couple of days I was able to detach from the noise as a disruptor.

Inquiry from silence:

“I like the silence here, especially in the morning. A gentle entry into the day. Permission to breath.
What if each day were a ceremony? An honouring of what is, what has been, what is emerging?
Journal entry, day 2

 SILENT. LISTEN.

They have the same letters and are interwoven. They each amplify the other.

My 6 days of silence opened a portal of deep listening supported by a lot of stillness. The truth is that by creating a period of silence, I was actively listening the whole time.

Listening to my inner thoughts and very active dreams at night
Listening to the joyful chorus of bird song.
Listening to the wind moving through trees.
Listening to lapping water.
Listening to the joyful sounds of kids learning to water ski.

I discovered I could listen more deeply when suspended in stillness. That is when my other senses came fully alive to support me.

Lying on the grass looking up at the clouds passing overhead.
Sitting with a tree receiving its energy and wisdom.
Resting on a dock watching the rhythmic flow of water flowing over the rocks.
Floating on the water, being held and supported by the gentle rocking swells.
Witnessing the pollinators flitting here and there literally buzzing with joy.

In my journal I wrote: Insight from a spider web…
Iridescent strands of potential
waving gracefully
reweaving life’s possibility
creating the web of my life.

The silence and stillness allowed a deep level of witnessing that brought great insight. Nature offered many invitations to explore in ways that unlocked something in me.

Labyrinth – A Winding Path to Wisdom

One of the highlights was a labyrinth in the forest. At its centre were three pine trees that are dying. Three new trees have been planted to replace the pines when they eventually breakdown and can no longer thrive. For me, the three trees came to reflect the past, the present and the future.

Walking the labyrinth was a daily practice. I went different times of day. Each day I held a different question. I had many visitors while there.

The first day a flaming red cardinal landed on a bell that I had just rung as I entered the labyrinth. I had called on guides to join me. Cardinal appeared. It flitted about trees in the labyrinth and hopped from one tree stump to another that were at the centre. It felt like my spirit child Ryan was there with me.  Everyday I walked the winding path, a cardinal showed up as if to check in and remind me that I was supported.

Another day a woodpecker joined me and persistently tapped away at a tree.

“Pay Attention! There is a new opportunity knocking at your door. Take the time to listen to your thoughts and feelings.” - Woodpecker

On my final walk a monarch butterfly landed in the tree and watched me. I rarely see butterflies in a tree, so it seemed notable that I was being witnessed by a being that represents transformation.

On one walk, I took bubbles into the labyrinth. I blew them as I walked. It was playful and fun. It added another layer to the energy that is so potent there. A remembering to embrace JOY and PLAY as vital sources for life.

The labyrinth provided a loving container for inquiry. It helped me unravel thoughts and provided new clarity. At times, I felt like I was in a vortex pulsing with energy. It was renewing and revealing on so many levels.

The Land

Loretto Maryholme Spirituality Centre sits on 10 acres of land overlooking Lake Simcoe. It is lovingly tended and abundant with life.

On my first walk around the land, I saw a red fox. It slipped into the garden and would later reappear on a pathway near the labyrinth. Stealth and shy yet very present.

A groundhog captured my heart as I watched it peacefully graze the grass, stop to savour while chewing its food. The whole time it was looking around and basking in the sun. It came to teach me to be mindful and slow in my eating. That ended up being one of the most profound teachings for me. The food provided for us was lovingly prepared, all vegetarian and seasonal food. I followed groundhog’s teaching. I ate slowly. I savoured the flavours. I offered gratitude for the loving preparation of each meal. I lingered over meals, most of which I ate outside under a grand maple tree.

Two mornings in a row, a great blue heron flew past the dock, skimming over the water. A messenger of peace, stability, patience, presence and spiritual guidance. I have always loved herons and yet had never seen one in flight so this was a special gift.

I also found a hammock swing in mature maple tree. It was my favourite place to read while being gently rocked and the sun danced through the leaves creating shimmering light.

The gardens were lush and alive, offering bursts of colours and scents to delight.

Reflective Writing

I started most days doing Morning Pages – free flow writing. It helped me record my dreams and what I was feeling. I have journaled for years, but it was especially nice to do it so deeply and consistently during the whole retreat. So much is revealed when flow writing.

I also used prompts from The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life by Suleika Jaouad. It’s described as a guide to the art of journaling and a meditation on the central questions of life.

The author wrote “It is possible to alter the course of my becoming” by journaling. An evocative invitation.

She also shared that “When we go deeply into the personal, we go beyond the personal. We achieve something that is collective.”

While I may have been in solo silence, it was a reminder that whatever I was processing was also part of the bigger system that I am part of. It helped me honour that the words I wrote, the yearnings I explored, the ideas that sparked were all connected to the bigger collective experience of life.

One journal prompt I chose was Silence by Kimbra. In her words, “silence will help create an atmosphere of holding.”

One of the reflections that came through this prompt for me was.
“Silence is not the absence of noise, it is presencing to what is – in me, in the ecosystem around me. It’s easy to be silent here because it’s structured to support that. My inquiry is how to carry silence home with me.”

I’m still contemplating how to integrate silence into may life in a continuous way. One tangible shift is, having also had a tech break and pause from social media, I am less inclined to interact with it. It is a form of noise that is a relief to be less attached to.

Another prompt was called Mindmap by Carmen Radley. It was an invitation to do a mind map of your life when you were 20. I was in third year at university, experiencing a lot of the messiness and exploration of life – a breakup with my boy friend, navigating life after my parents separated, a first-time mentor who was a fabulous influence on my life. It revealed a lot of my root system - why I’m so hyper independent, why I value loyalty and trust so deeply, where I learned that vulnerability is a strength, and where the first tender shoots of my leadership capabilities were formed. It was both uncomfortable and revealing; a cool way of doing a reflection for such a formative time in my life.

The other prompt I used was Be Slow by Rachel Schwartzmann. This propelled me to go for a slow, mindful walk and see what caught my attention. The result was this I AM poem – a structure I learned in my nature and forest therapy training.

I Am…Inspired by the land at Loretto Maryholme Spirituality Centre

I am groundhog, the friendly greeter inviting exploration in a slow, soulful way.

I am slow dripping water offering pause before the next drop.

I am apple tree bearing new tender fruit; incubating growth.

I am wood chips inviting a journey on a meandering path from here to there.

I am cedar buds flourishing to new life, creating abundance in community.

I am a fallen tender twig having landed gently after a wind gust of life.

I am grand mother maple, a host and home for those who find her; a steady and noble presence.

I am bird bath, a wellspring of hope.and hospitality.

I am a single puff cloud standing out in the vast blue of the sky – confidently moving at a pace of my own.

I am white butterfly flitting, playfully pollinating with joy.

I am wind chimes tinkling a song, an ever evolving rhythm.

I am sail boat skimming the water with ease, weaving its dance with the wind, destination unfolding.

I am bird song chorus sharing voice in co-creation, fusing gifts for a loving whole.

I am nature and nature is me.

As I reflect on what this silent retreat was for me, these words sum it up perfectly.

“The inner space is like your own monastery or place of retreat…

The advantage of seeking your spiritual holding space as a distinct place of retreat, preparation, silence, and insight is that you know it always travels with you, and you can re-enter it at any time. This treasured, protected space allows you to be rooted and grounded, again in love. And that makes all the difference in this world, for the good of this world.”

Wes Gronberg Michaelson, Sojourners, June 2021

Peace

As I sunk into the experience, I found a rhythm to my days. I accepted the slowness of time and dropped in to a flow state. I accessed peace in a deeper way than ever before. I wrote the words in my journal.

“Peace be in me so I can be peace in the world.”

The phrasing was odd to me but that’s what I wrote. So, I continue to sit with how I can embody being peace in the world.

Emergence Through Silence

Having dropped into the silence, I could have stayed longer and gone deeper. I will do this again.

I wanted to cling to the silence, so my drive home was done on back roads – a longer route but more calming. I was not ready for the crazy energy of the 400 series of highways. I did not listen to music either. I savoured silence while I could.

Coming back into conversation and re-engaging with people took about 3-4 days. It felt a bit jarring to try and explain what the experience was like. So, I was gentle and slow and eventually found my way back to connection through dialogue.

Many people have asked me why I chose silence for 6 days. The simple answer is I was called to it. The minute a dear friend told me about the silent retreats I knew it was what I wanted and needed this year. While I did not know exactly what to expect, i trusted the call of my spirit to do this restorative, contemplative experience.

Upon my return home, I started a course, Foundations of Courage and Renewal, based on the work of Parker J. Palmer. We have learned about the inner teacher - “the reliable, true self, distinct from the ego or external moralizers, that guides us to our authentic vocation and integrity”. The timing of this course has been enriched by my experience in silence. For this I am grateful and so very aware of the serendipity of it all.

I’ll end with this Parker Palmer quote.

“Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.”

In the end, silence has gifted me with new insights to who I am now and what is emerging in the fullness of my life.

Extrovert Reawakened

This week, two years ago in March 2022 the world shut down because of Covid-19. As the pandemic took over our world, we all retreated. Over the last two years, I have convinced myself that I’m not really an extrovert anymore. At first, I appreciated the quiet of isolation. I started to wonder if going back into large groups and working in person with teams would feel awkward and be draining.

Well, today I had an experience that made me realize that my extroverted self has been laying dormant; wintering in a way. It hasn’t left me it was simply on pause. I got to work with an organization and their leadership team. We started our work virtually over the last few months so today was the first time we all met in person. It was amazing!

I felt extra animated. I could feel and see the emotional field and the relational dynamics in a way that was so much more textured and alive. I witnessed the in between chats that happen when people are together. People told stories and played off each other in a way that flowed. Personalities were revealed and the relationship dynamics became clear. It was energizing and fun and so much more fluid. It’s like the pandemic time has been in black and white and today, I rediscovered the beauty and vibrancy of technicolour.

Driving home, I felt a buzz that only comes when I am in connection with people. Having had to limit this part of myself for two long years it feels so good to be back in connection. I am so ready to shift from socially distanced to socially reconnected. My extroverted self is back, fully alive, with new dimensions that have been quietly percolating during this pandemic time.

Once Upon a Horizon

Once upon a time, in the year 2005, there was a woman who had an opportunity to take a career pause. After 20 years of working in the field of philanthropy an arc ended and time was granted to stop, reflect and to dream.

The time granted space to ponder about what was fulfilling and to unfold ideas on a way to serve that would bring a new evolution of meaning. It was an opportunity to release things that did not serve or inspire any more.

From the quiet, a vision started to bloom. It was time to create something of her own making. It was time to honour the yearning for autonomy, creativity, courage, connectedness, purposeful growth, and leadership.

The concept was simple – birth a business that would help eliminate the loneliness of leadership. She knew what it was like to be lonely and vulnerable as a leader. She vowed that no leader would walk alone.

The pivot required new learning…lots of it. The door opened to the world of professional coaching and she found her way into amazing learning communities. A series of certifications deepened her new skills and awoke a passion for coaching executives, leaders and teams.

The business found its name – Horizon Leadership. She knew that a leaders work is a combination of visioning forward and creating conditions for people to flourish. She also knew that leaders need a safe place to pause and cultivate the art of presencing – intentional moments to quiet and listen – to grow with intention in readiness of the journey ahead.

Today, this woman is reflecting on 16 years of doing the work that is her calling. The gratitude for those who have trusted her on the journey is immense. The collaboration with talented people from around the world has been such a gift. The affirmation that this is the path she was meant to walk is heart filling.

The horizon is vast. There is more to contribute. Today, she is casting her vision into the future, imagining the emerging possibilities and where else purposeful pivots will serve.

Reflections on the founding story of Horizon Leadership on its 16th anniversary.

Mid-Century Modern Mindset

Mid-Century Modern design is having a renaissance right now. It’s an architectural and interior design style popular from mid 1930’s to 1960’s. It really peaked in the 1950’s.

Style signatures include ample windows and open floor plans designed to create a sense of spaciousness. The intention was to open interiors spaces and brings the outdoors in.

As I sit in my own version of mid-century (I’m 54), I realize that there is an evolving state of being that I am embodying. A new normal is emerging. It’s a bit of a dance as some of it is intentional and some of is inspired by life’s natural rhythms.

Many of the elements mirror the descriptors of midcentury architecture and design – clean simplicity, organic, integration with nature, streamlined, abundant light, flexible.

I am choosing simple over complex.

I am choosing to be more open – with my stories, my heart, my dreams.

I am consciously claiming space in my own life to cultivate creativity and expression. By simplifying other things, I’m focusing more on writing and sharing ideas. It feels important to be doing this. It also feels like a gift of service.

I am choosing to be more integrated with the things that I love and value.  This means getting really clear on what I say YES to and NO to.

I am choosing to engage in community in different ways – more simple, organic and fluid. Previously I would engage in more formal structures like Boards and committees. I’m seeing that I can share my time in ways that serve and that are also more flexible and responsive.

I am choosing to integrate with, and be fed by, nature’s wisdom. This is spirit work for me and it fills my cup to walk in forests, watch the clouds, and swim in lakes. It’s a sensory experience that stirs my heart and grounds me.

I am becoming more organic and textured as my body and being transforms at this stage of life. As menopause shifts me I am working to ride the waves in a way that is gentle, compassionate and curious. In a way, it reminds me of child bearing where I had to be completely open to each of the unfolding stages. I learned then that it’s better to dance with the waves and experiences rather than to try and control them. Even though my body is completing a cycle, I sincerely feel that something new is being birthed. It’s cool (she writes while having a hot flash).

So, my version of being a woman at mid-century is about being present, aware, asserting choices and keeping things simple. It’s a conscious life architecture that is also influencing my leadership. It’s an unfolding and I’m enjoying this time as it feels expansive. It certainly feels like more light is coming into my being.

I’ll end with this quote as it is a perfect description of how I am experiencing this phase of life.

“The more in harmony you are with the flow of your own existence,
the more magical life becomes.”
Source: Third_eye_thirst

Listener In Residence: The Experiment

“From listening comes wisdom.”

I have decided to launch a one year experiment. I am self-appointing myself as the “Listener in Residence” at Innovation Works in London. In this role, I will be gifting my time to any of the co-tenants in the community who want someone to listen to them – deeply, with focus, in a non-judgemental way and with empathetic support.

I’m called to do this because I believe that being heard is one of the most empowering things in life. To pause and be present to another human is one of the most precious gifts we can ever give.

I have noticed that when people start to speak out loud about something that may feel vulnerable, bold, risky or over the top joyful, it’s a signal of something emerging. They are getting clear on something that is wanting to shift or change; on the cusp of something really important.

I also believe that people need to be heard, not fixed. Talking things out is a way of creatively figuring things out. As we give voice to a yearning or a concern, we are already finding our way towards solutions and actions.  

In coaching, there is a principle called holding a person as naturally creative, resourceful and whole. So, as I listen, I will pay attention to all the creative brilliance that lives within each person through the stories they will share.

Innovation Works and the co-tenant community is full of amazing humans with all kinds of potential. This is a community of caring, innovative, socially conscious and inspiring people. It’s also a place where people show up because they are change agents and status quo disruptors. They are wired to take risk and live boldly. That’s not always easy work. I want to support this energy with a gift I can give – my time, an open heart and two big ears for listening.

I am called to do this as a way of giving back to a community that has given me so much. Innovation Works London is just over a year old. Its culture and model of community is still evolving. In some small way I hope this experiment will model the way for the power of thoughtful listening when being in action.

How It Will Work
So, here’s the deal. I will be dedicating 15 hours per month for listening sessions. Each session is 20 minutes. I’ll be inviting people to sign up on designated “Listener in Residence” days. You come with whatever you want to share. I’ll listen. I might ask a few unfolding questions. Through the process, you’ll find your way to some new insights, awareness and intentions. Everything shared will be confidential. My greatest hope is that you leave feeling supported, understood and find some new elements of clarity that will spur you on.

Throughout the year, I’ll be blogging about the experience from the perspective of what it takes to deeply listen.  I won’t be sharing any details of people’s stories.  The Vegas Rule will be fully enforced.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.”

I fully anticipate that this will be a transformative experience. As a leadership coach, I have been trained to be a highly effective and active listener. However, I think this experiment will teach me a great deal on the power of being present and still in service of others. I can’t wait to learn deeply through the process.

So, I am pleased to invite you on the journey with me. Let the listening experiment begin!

 

Embracing the Elephant in the Room

"Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it."  ~ Buddha

We've all heard the phrase 'there is an elephant in the room'. It's code for a difficult issue or significant problem that people don't feel comfortable talking about. It has a power and weight to it that can immobilize an organization or team. However, despite being unspoken the "elephant" issue is either consciously or unconsciously impacting relationships and the ability to get things done.

I believe we should learn to embrace the elephant in the room. Yes, it means that there is some force causing people to be uncomfortable and not talk about something. It's an energy that is big and unmovable. In fact, it could be something that is so sacred, fearful or important that no one wants to go near it. Isn't that usually a signal of something of vital importance that has to be courageously and respectfully explored?

Elephants as a species are powerful. They are very strong and they are gentle. They are loyal. They are patient. It is often said that elephants do not forget nor do they forgive. They are also associated with having great wisdom and compassion. They will fiercely protect what is important to them.

I would like to shift the perspective on elephants in the room. I believe that when the elephants emerge in team processes it's a signal of something transformative unfolding. It may be a bold change that is on the verge of happening. It could be a shift in dialogue that is becoming more open and honest; that the true essence of something important is being revealed. The elephant tension denotes vulnerability and diversity of opinion emerging.

Elephant energy can feel edgy. However, when we embrace it and explore it we can reveal important things that untended to will limit change, innovation or brave new visions from emerging. When we pause to honour the elephant, to name it and work with its energy, we are tapping into a wisdom force that needs to be honoured in order to move forward.

In my experience coaching teams, I often call out the elephant(s). I draw one on a flip chart and ask the team what it is. I playfully identify that the elephant(s) are in the room. I then ask people to pause and quietly reflect on what elephants are present and to write them on a post it note. Everyone gets to put them on the elephant. From there we group them by similar themes. This is a way of revealing the voices of the system; often the marginalized or unpopular ones.

Once we see the themes, we create conditions for people to talk about the elephants. It requires a tenderness and respect in  how people talk about them. I always ask about the elephant wisdom and how it is trying to serve at this time. We explore what is needed so that this wisdom can be considered as we go forward.

While it may be easier to ignore the elephants because they take energy to deal with, I find that when teams can talk about the elephants in a curious and supportive way they release energy that blocks them from true creative collaboration.  Acknowledging and processing the elephants can be a bonding process. It is a way of sharing history and story of an organization in a constructive manner. By speaking of the elephants some of their power is diminished. It frees up energy and opens awareness to what people want to see happen. Elephant exploration helps rewire the collective brains of the team so that new energy can be realized.

It is my wish that instead of ignoring or marginalizing the elephants in the room, that we embrace them and actively invite them into conversations. Only then can we access their wisdom so we can move forward together in more productive and positive ways.

We have much to learn from elephants. The following is a description of the attributes of elephants from a shamanistic perspective. May we embrace these qualities for the sake of healthy and vibrant team relationships and organizational cultures.

"Elephants can teach us that gentleness, commitment, and communication in relationships is very powerful and necessary to keep relationships alive, trusting and loving, whether it be friends, family or partner. Deeply committed to all creatures with whom they have relationships, elephants are tough when protecting others and gentle when nurturing them. The matriarch (the oldest, most experienced female leader of a herd) leads in a way that is both gentle and inclusive. Elephants are able to communicate telepathically. This can teach us how to truly listen to others."

http://www.shamanicjourney.com/elephant-power-animal-symbol-of-commitment-royalty-strength

Courage is Choice in Action

This past weekend I visited my sister Ellen. She’s on the cusp of a grand new adventure as she prepares to move to Nanaimo, BC. She’s picking up her life, packing her belongings and will be driving across the country in just a few weeks. Other than a destination and a new home to move into, the rest of her future is unwritten. She admitted she’s both excited and scared.

As I drove away after visiting I thought how courageous she’s being. Would I or could I do the same? Contemplating it gave me butterflies.

As I pondered, I thought of the many courageous people I am surrounded by.  Most of the clients I work with are experiencing some form of vulnerability. Most of the time they are on the cusp of change – either one that they are designing with intention or one that life has presented and they are reacting to.

Courage is…

Moving to a new city or country without a job or a social network because of a vision and dream of something different.

Fleeing your home land so that you can find a safe country to call home.

Speaking your truth at work or in the community when you know it will be unpopular and possibly put you in danger.

Continuing to apply for jobs after being rejected or ignored many times.

Saying no to people you love to preserve boundaries that you need to sustain so you stay whole and healthy.

Taking a stand for your values and making choices that others might not understand.

Taking the leap and starting your own business.

Asking for help and being uncertain how people will react.

Believing in yourself when no one else does.

Trusting your gut feelings and acting on it when there is no “tangible” proof of evidence to support your actions.

Leaving a job when you don’t have a new one to go to. Doing so because you aren’t fulfilled and won’t stay in a role that sucks the life out of you.

Courage and vulnerability go hand in hand. Courage requires us to dig deep into our own soul, our own beliefs, and our own spirit. It’s a call that reminds us of what is important. It’s a choice to be brave, to take action when we don’t exactly know how it will end. It’s the belief that action is better than doing nothing.

As Brené Brown says, “You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.”

I’m inspired by the many people I work with and witness who choose courage. In doing so they are honouring their own vulnerability. They are being wholehearted in their action because they are choosing to change their state of being for the possibility of something bolder, brighter and more fulfilling.

Courage is not easy. However, courage is choice in action. It reminds me that vulnerability is the flirt of something trying to happen.  For me, that is inspiring and exciting.

So as my courageous sister drives towards her new life, I’m going to be paying attention to my own flutters of vulnerability actively listening for the call of courage to move me forward in my next adventure.